Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Tourist

Seven full hours of playing perfect poker and what do I have to show for it?
Nothing. At every single point in the tourney I knew that I was easily the best player at the table.

Fucking tourists.

It's all one long session you have to keep telling yourself.
Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah.

Nope, it's true. In the end, it is I who is The Tourist.
I'm just passing through folks. Don't mind me one bit.

It all started about four months ago. I guess you could say I was bored. Bored with poker, bored with poker blogs, bored with life, and bored with being bored. That's when I decided to jump into character and create good ole NeverBluff. That's right. Everything sure seemed normal in my daily walk, but one day reality slapped me around something good. My best friend was diagnosed with lung cancer, and started chemotherapy treatments immediately thereafter. This was fucking real. Something so completely real in a world that I had populated with reading blogs, playing poker, chatting online, reading books, and whatever else it was that I was doing to keep me distracted from actual living.

The news was powerful, and so close to home that the only way I could deal with it was to completely ignore it. I played more poker, and read more books, and subscribed to more blogs, and then one day finally decided to start up the blog that you're reading now. It was simply to serve as an outlet. One that I could tap into for my daily fix of simple childish poke-fun laughter and your standard dark, deprived, and debaucherous humor.

I always thought that a blog would surface one day and all of our fears would be realized. The internet had finally reached that guy. He's out there, folks, and I think that's where NeverBluff garnered a lot of his legitimacy. People know people like him. A complex parody combining every obnoxious personality trait that you could imagine. Couple this with an easily accessible medium, and voila!

The 21st century has given anyone and everyone a soapbox.

I've wanted to cut Champ off at the pass more than once, but was deterred by friends and readers who still liked tuning in to his madness every day. Everyone had their reasons for stopping by. I think some people came by because although his style was rough around the edges, he was still amusing and entertaining. I'm sure some came by to readily disagree with the most recent off color topic du jour. Some may have even checked in to feel good about their own lives comparatively using NeverBluff as a benchmark for "pathetic and utterly hopeless."

I like a good prank as much as anyone, but on my end, it was getting a bit old. Continued correspondence with very good people while pretending to be some backwoods dumbshit is a bit silly anyway. There never really was a "road map" for Poker Champ. I breathed a little life into him, and he just kinda took off.

Last week we got the good news that the chemotherapy had worked. My friend is in the clear for the time being, but still requires monthly exams for the next six months to make sure the beast doesn't return. He's smoked for the better part of his life and still remains a high risk candidate for the disease.

The real world is a motherfucker sometimes.

NeverBluff may serve to some as a reminder to not take anything too seriously. If some feathers were ruffled or panties bunched in the process, so be it. No harm was truly intended, and hopefully those that found themselves in Champ's crosshairs can appreciate some good old fashioned dark humor.

If you still want to hate, I've got a big blue veiner you can gag on. LOL!!

So, the next time a blog surfaces that's "too fat and juicy" to be true, it probably is. Well, maybe not the next time, because that will be me too, but the time after that for sure.

Play Like a Champion Today.

Monday, April 03, 2006


I got some emails from players that have been where I've been and I got a special email from one of my favorite bloggers Iggy from Guinness and Poker asking me to play in the blogger tourney for the world series. I've played in a blogger tourney before and they are fun to play with some of the best. Some of the worst too LOL!! Ask Jordan about sucking out on me in the headsup!! LOL!! Anyway, it feels good to know that the real professional poker bloggers who take it seriously think that I've got what it takes. Tonight I'm going to show everyone I've got what it takes and that this will be my first step to that bracelet.

Play Like a Champion Tonight LOL!!


Has it been a full week already since I last put up a post?
Let's just say it has been tough.

I am SICK AND TIRED of tourists catching their river. I have had more bad beats in the past 2 weeks that it is making me looney. I just have to keep telling myself it is one big session, but that is hard. Fish and tourists who have no business keep making hands when I'm way ahead. It furiates me to no end, and it really is just like the real world sometimes. I don't have much time to talk because poker has taken a backseat to the real world. Me and Kelly are officially over. I kept calling her but she never answered. Finally Tommy got through to her by talking to her friend who he still bangs and I got to talk to her on the phone for five minutes. It basically ended with me telling her she was a stupid bitch like all the rest of them. All the same. There are more fish in the sea, and I definitely don't have time for one bad apple to ruin my whole bunch. Also, Cody had a bad run-in with the fireplace yesterday. Tripped and hit face first into the base of it and knocked out 5 of his top teeth. Cracked them all off, and they had to cap them and he's not real happy about it. He got 6 stitches in his lip too, and he really looks like a mess. Just imagine that kid when he starts drinking beer if he can't even keep on his feet sober LOL!!! Anyway, he's going to be fine, and I think if it doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger anyway. So it should be good for him in the long run. Crystal says that's why I don't get him but once every two weeks, but that bitch is so stupid she doesn't know anyway. He could play Playstation at my house or play with Pete's boys, or I guess he could just sit around at Crystals with her and her man and see how much crank they can all do. I am fed up with all of them, and it really does go all the way back to Eve and the apple LOL!!

I took a gash when I was 16 in my leg that had 47 stitches once from hopping a barbwire in a field. Caught me on the backside and opened it right up. I bled like a stuck pig for the whole ride to the hospital and passed out on the way. My friend Eric was driving me in his truck and never did get the bloodstains out. I couldn't walk on it for about a week but it ended up making me stronger in the end.

With all this shit that's going on I really think it makes us stronger without killing us like the saying goes. I guess you could say that poker is like that since you get to bounce back after all the beats. It sometimes doesn't seem like it because you get so pissed when they go runner-runner, but those are the people you want to play. They will pay you off in the long run, and they are the building blocks to go pro. It is tough to keep telling yourself that, believe me, I know. I bet I've taken more bad beats in the last month than pretty much anyone out there. At least at Doyle's and Stars. You got to take a break for a few minutes. Go for a walk, or just take a minute off the game. I'll take it out on the heavy bag for a few minutes, and that with a good walk usually gets me toned down pretty good. Anything that can relieve the stress that bad beats cause is good. It is a LONG haul, and if you go off the deep end you'll never be able to reach shore. I have been swimming in the poker waters for a year almost the deep end could have easily sucked me under just like those fish keep sucking me out with river catches.

If it doesn't kill you IT WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER. I promise.

Play Like a Champion Today.